I'm such a coward....... I can never be th right person to solve a problem or conflict.... cus i'm too afraid. I'm just sitting there.... like a cowardly girl and waiting for brave souls to come and save th day.. and everything becomes normal again. psht. why do i even try... i can never stand up for myself... cus i'm sucha coward.

Always been envying people who are so brave.... always th kind of people who "idon'tcareabtanyconsequencesthtwillaffectme" kind of peoeple... cus they always have a say and well.. they fight for themselves and also solves problems among friends, family, work, etc. Me? HAHAHAHA i'm just a coward little guinea pig who is afraid of losing friendship and trust and our future relationship and just keep quiet, wishing upon a miracle tht all th fighting stops. I really hate fighting.... I really do... and I'm scared. I really am. Which goes back to my pri sch past which i'll never... ever... forget for th rest of my life. maybe tht's why i'm like this right now..

Always th kind of person to take in and absorb whatever blow i receive, even if its not true.... take it... swallow it... engraving it in my heart... and letting th whole world know.... for th sake of relationships.. tht's me... whether or not its true, or not... yea. I'm tht.. everything for th sake of friendship... and then i fake a smile aft tht, cus it makes everything better... doesn't it?

I guess i'm still learning how to be brave...... really, bravery (in social context) is NOT my forte. You will NEVER see me being a mediator and trying to work shit out. bcus i'm alr digging a hole in th ground out of fear cus I was afraid a major atomic bomb will explode once i try and step in. I've received too much blows in my life. I definitely do not want to have one again.... i'm scared.

blogging abt this..... guess it made me feel better cus it helps me to rant it out whatever i've been keeping it to myself for th past... 5-7 days? Yeap.. definitely not healthy.

This is just to.... reflect how much i really hate myself for being a coward... and I can never change who i am... there's so many things tht i've kept it hidden in my soul bcus i don't want anyone to kno... but sometimes... i really want it to get it out of my chest. And i'm glad this one's out.

I'm trying my very best.... to show how much i'm not a coward........ but i guess tht takes time.