Its been hell long since I last blogged, but I happen to see something which made me want to reply what you have posted.

To you, special someone:

That day when I met you when I was out with my friends after so so so long gave me so much happiness and blessings inside. I am not admitting that I didn't meet you, cus I really do miss you.

So many things have happened this year and its no doubt that there were so many changes etc in our lives and decisions, interests and passions. Its been probably 10 months(?) since I last left and I know it has caused so many unhappiness and awkwardness towards the rest of them. Making that decision has probably been difficult and worrisome for me because of everything; i'm a coward, burden, a horrible person who left a team who want to achieve their dreams of being recognized, I'm affecting so many people whom I care about, especially you.

You said that I looked happier, free.... yea, i think so too? Looking back at it, i don't regret making that decision, and I think you are too. If i didn't send that message to you in kkt back then, i don't think things will be much more troublesome, awkward, tension... i don't want to think about it cus probably our relationship will be going downhill.

People keep telling me, "Steph, are you still dancing? Why aren't you dancing anymore?" back then, it was honestly a very sensitive and awkward topic for me. I didn't know what to say or answer and people think that I'm just pretending and stuff. But now, i think i've accepted the fact that i'm just not cut out for dancing and its okay... I've learnt a lot of things for the past two years, and it will be one of my most treasured memories. I've experienced what its like on stage and how people have cheered us on. I've experienced pain and tears, but its okay because we've tried our bestest and its just a learning experience from all of us. And I've experienced, caring for people you love and what's best for yourself, and others needs sacrifice.....

You once told me, there is a difference between dancing because you love it and dancing for the sake of doing it. And I think I've changed from the first to the second. And I don't want to carry it on, burdening people etc, because you guys are such great dancers and i'm not kidding. You have a dream, and I don't want to be the one who puts a leash and pulling you back....... you're free too, and I hope you're happier.

Putting dance aside, you said, "we are connected through fandom". No, i don't think so.... our interest we had when we first met, created friendship which doesn't need to be always on the topic about what brought us together. We've been through so much shit, and out of all the times we were together, I only remember about the times we just.... talk about life, rant, our worries, an interesting thing we did, something that made us pissed, happy, sad. I know you're worried about our relationship, having known you for 3 years already, its obvious you are.... but I just want you to know, our relationship has been the same last year, two years ago, few months ago, and it will always be. We're different... we each have different likes, dislikes, interest, plans etc, but what's interesting is sharing our story to each other, because we trust each other. We don't need to be the same all the time, a "twin" is just a name to describe us, but no twin are the same.. and that's one of the most beautiful thing ever existed.

"We may not be talking everyday, we may not be seeing each other for weeks/months, but when we do, it's as if we don't stop talking" - I think this explains what our relationship is, is that okay? 

With that being said, I know you as much as you know me.. and I know that you have lots of things that flooding your mind and heart, but you don't have that platform to say it out because you're scared. As much as I've told you this many times, I will keep doing so...
When you don't have anyone to talk to, I hope I can be that someone whom you can open up yourself to, even if its the most ugliest and scariest side, I hope I can be that pillar of support that you need and trusting me that I'm not someone who leaves your side. I know I myself am not doing the same, but I'm trying.

I'm standing with my arms open wide, you just need to open that door.♥

Ps: Your beloved album is waiting for her owner.